As we thought children in shools: Internet is whole universe. With it’s own rules and wildlife, we meet specific dangers. We must first learn to recognize them before rambling in there without much trouble.

The problem is… lots of parent did not learn how to recognize those dangers and find themselves helpless when their children ask them to get a phone to go in the cyberspace. With all we heard about, who to behave?

Then, entering the play, the parental control softwares offer their help and magic solution that, for less than one euro a day, will get rid of all that anxiety. Give them your child and they will take care of them.

That was only another marketing joke, almost like the VPN one. Until our beloved (french) government join, making installation of such application mandatory for any new equipment after july 13th 2024.

I won’t speak about the distorsion of competition induced. Between the editors of private softwares, and with the free [software] world. Because it’d imply that the basic idea, setup a parental control app, is good.

Which dangers?

Since it’s to protect our children from Internet’s dangers, we should first list which ones. In its Information Platform for parents (annouced with a while marketing communication campaign by our ministers), the Government and its partners list the two big dangers that threat the whole new generation:

1. Screens. Because children often use them, and its new. So it worries parents. So it’s dangerous. And most of all, because it allows children to watch pornography.
2. Pornography. Because it’s Evil (but age of consent at 15 is Good).

That’s all folks.

If the evidence did not shine on you at first sight, recall that sloth (in front of a screen) and luxury (sex for pleasure) are deadly sins.

Application editors, on their side, don’t even bother to justify theirs app with such list of danger their aim toreduce. Their argument is of extreme simplicity: control and surveillance are good.

Which solution?

We spoiled it, those app provides control and surveillance of your children. For their own good.

Time locks. You setup the daily (or weekly) quota and the app garantees your children won’t use more. The app can also provides statistical dashboards. And for the Administration lovers, your children can fill a form to ask for an extention you can magnanimously accept (or decline).

Well… when it actually works as expected. Because children often end up finding way to block the timer, make the app crashes or gain free time. And even when it actually works, it does not count the time on other screens, the shares between siblings or friends (those without time locks) and the use of parent’s accounts (because their schema are quite easy).

App locks. You setup the authorization parameters and you children can not install or use apps outside that scope. Roughly, you can setup the allowed PEGI and that’s all.

That’s the only feature made mandatory by our government after july 13th. Be forbiden to install and use app not for the child’s age.

Agains, that’s when it’s working as expected. There are bypasses, instalation from other sources (i.e. downloading APK), disguised applications,… And were you told that toxic apps (porn and social media) actually are websites reachable with any browsers? No app lock can block them.

Some parental control apps provides locks ont websites in browsers. But it works only on specific compatible browsers (one or two depending on the app). Those whose employer filter web requests already know, that stuff can not know everything and there are holes in one can pass through.

By the way, were you told that youngsters do not search their porn on the web ? They suffer from porn targeted ads (present in almost every app) when other users (i.e. their parents) have shown some interrest on the subject. Or they recieve porn by private messages (i.e. from Telegram or Signal), coming from friends or dedicated channels.

That’s what happened more or less with Squid Game. Children didn’t search to watch it. That’s their friends and/or siblings that shared them the content. No parental control could block it.

Surveillance. Aside from the smartphones monitoring, those apps give access to messaging (SMS), some other apps (depending on the apps) and geolocalization (with option for « virtual fences » that make your phone ring when your children pass through).

Officially, it’s to avoid risky behaviour from your children (and meet the wrong kind of person). Informally, it transform the smartphone into a panopticon. You can spy on them without them knowing about (some apps provite a « stealth » mode). The stress induced in the childen is supposed to enforce their respect of your injunctions. Without speaking about the ethical aspects (to each his own parental style), I must told you it works only in prison where there remain no hope for evasion.

If you look at misc news, we find that thos surveillance tools have no use. When Lina were kidnapped in the Bas-Rhin (french area in alsace, near Germany), her phone stoped to connect to mobile phone network (disabling her geo-location from cell antenna), the phone may have been shut down or broken. In a case we where working on, the pedophile fake a teenager and used snaps (the messages are automagically deleted and are not under surveillance) and then meet the victims at their houses when their parents where outside (for work).

In all those cases, those astonishing tools made to improve our children’s security only blow over.

Which effects?

Aside to being somehow useless, those apps induce some perverse side effects.

They increase parent’s anxiety. Because the more information you get, the more your brain want it and the more it become anxious when there is a lack of information. Instead of reducing parents’ stress, those app increase it.

Special mention to the « SOS button » (translated in french as the « Panic Button »). It send an SOS to parents with only the GPS position as information (updated every 5 minutes). You are now well informed (ironically).

It’s exactly the same as for fetal doppler at home. The device must be put on the belly of a pregnant woman and allows her to hear the foetus’ heart beats. Except when it’s wrongly fixed (or move)… The mother can then hear her own heart, or nothing at all (and panic).

They increase the attractiveness of the forbidden. Corollary of Streyssand Effect. The more energy you put to forbid something, the more it become visible and attractive. Teenagers will then deploy all they mighty ingeniosity to bypass the barrier and will end up in niche application that are not under surveillance. They then take more risks (the wrong kind of person usually live in those dark cyber-corners).

In lot of situation we met at work, children stayed away from messaging system monitored by adults to prefer alternatives that leaves no traces. The adult’s surveillance forbid us to find any evidence of the crimes we where searching for.

They condition to control and surveillance. How do you think our youngsters will be autonomous and responsible if they are under heavy control and surveillance for everything they do? It’s even more problematic for girls because we culturally educate them to depend on their father about the computers stuffs and once adult, they’ll depend on their husband.

Some of them ends up calling us because their manipulative husband installed such stalking app on their phone and they don’t know how to leave the trap (if you are in this case, have a look at the Women’s privacy & safety survivors tookit).

In a more general point of view, this kind of stalking app is the graal of any totalitarian government. And we should condition our children to live that way? Perhaps it’s time to recognize that promote that kind of software about control and surveillance is a way to play into the hand of the extremists.

Parental control at the arsouyes

As you may except, we did not installed any parental control software at home. None on the computers, none on the hones. So how do we deal with our childrens?

No screen in sleeping rooms. In the begining we where playing on computer with them, to make it a familly moment. With time, they gain on maturity and we do not always play the same games as they are, and from time to time we even are just reading books when they are playing. Recentrly, they were allowed to play on computer at home when we were outside in the village (doing some grocery shopping). Trust should be build with time.

Self limited time. They are in charge of managing their quota. We fix the amount (and adapt it to circumstances) and they chose when and how they use it, how they setup the timer and they stop when it rings.

Obviously, they are children and they need our help to learn that self-discipline stuffs. We need to prevent (asking them regularly how much time remains to avoid bad surprises), assist (hugs and reformulation when frustration is too big, it’s comprehensible) and enforce rules (e.g. shuting power at the electrical board when they did accept to stop playing).

It need efforts in the begining but with time they become more autonomous and learn how to self regulate their screen sessions.

Ad Blockers. It’s the only technical thing we setup. We setup pfBlocker so the majority of ads (and trackers) are blocked at the DNS level. We also installed DNS66 on every phone for when we are outside. And we complete with ublock origin on firefox and alternative version of youtube on androids (i.e. newpipe). We also have fun searching at product placements in video we look altogether (including films).

It’s not perfect (but the perfect parent is a myth) and we missed lots of details (including awareness) but it works.

And after?

Those parental control software are not efficient and have perverse side effect that make the situation worse. Truely, you do not need those app and you can teach your children to be safe on internet by themselves: grow self-discipline and critical mind.

It take a lot more time than to install any app, but at least it works.

As for any app, we could have tackle down the business model of those apps. How those editors are supposed to earn money? Except Google and Apple, the other uses premium model. It’s free of charge for the basis and cost « less than one euro per day » for the full suite of features. The advertising is not adapted because those apps want to stay stealth (because there are also sold to manipulative husbands).

The thing is that the government did not only imposed the app, they also impose the app to be free of charge (instead of free software)… The mandatory features are simple (for now) but it raise the financial question: who’s gonna pay for the app, and why…

And then, I can’t help but recall the las french law about justice (Novembre 20th 2024) that wanted we (judicial experts) to activate, install stalkers and spy on phone remotely (that was removed by the french Constitutional Council later on). Technically, we where doubtfull how to proceed but if a parental control is present everywhere, it open new perspectives.